I don't even know if I should even be posting this to my blog. I don't even know how to explain my whole mind set or where I should begin. Should I even start with the picture books my eyes were glued on when I was on as a kid or just start with my inspiration for posting this. There's no point worrying. 

To The Person That Made My Whole Family Paranoid: Hello :)

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A dim classroom right across the principal office. The desk was lined in rows and I sat at the left mid back seat. Right next to me were the boys who felt like it was a smart idea to rip part of the textbook that we used to cheat right up. (Not Cheat, But She Let Us Look At The Text) My Spanish teacher announced to the class that we would be doing a project a family tree at the end of the class. She repeated this til heard to my annoyance.

I wasn't turned off by the idea. A family tree seemed like child works. It wasn't a project that you give to an honors class that was going to high school. It was more of a work you give to a 1st grader. I'm not complaining though since I didn't mind writing out my sentences out in Spanish considering I could use Google Translate or have one of my friends help me. I never said I was talented in Spanish or that my Spanish Teacher was decent. We literally had to have my 2 classmates teach us Spanish because they were a better teacher. That's beside the point.

My whole problem with the whole assignment was how can you expect me to construct a family tree when I'm ignorant to how many cousins I have or their names for that sake. 

The only time I associated with my relatives was when I was raised by my grandma til age 3 and the small visits we have which last for 1-3 days.  They live nowhere close to me. At that time, the closest person was one of my relative who was stationed in Maryland which would be a long ride considering I live in New York. 

When I was younger, my mom would often complain how no one lived near us. I can't lie and say there was never any bitterness when I saw my friends' family picking them up. Aunt and uncles going to their graduation. That was something I didn't have. But that was when I was younger, now I don't give much of a blue clue if they live here or not or attend my graduation.

I understand modern technology would able me to call or text my family and find out all the information I need. Here the thing, calling strangers who are related to me by blood or marriage with one of uncle/aunt was just odd. Am I suppose to text them, “Hey, what your face I mean name.... I need you to answer all these personal information so I can do a project.” I get what I could just word it differently, but still, you get the point.

I could ask my parents all my question that I needed to complete the assignment, but they were busy making an income to support my family, didn't know the answer or ignore the truth.  

Instead, I lied for all the information. I used my basic knowledge of that person from the short conversation I probably had with them years back or stalked their Facebook to find dates like birthday or pictures to glue.

My whole problem was not about me being all sad and mopey that no ones live near me. No that's my mom. My problem is the web of lies that surrounds my family. It would be that whenever I learn something about my family, the next thing I know it was just lies or only part of the truth.

I never really had any family value that most of my friends have. In my thoughts, my family is my mom, dad, brother, and dog. It's short and simple and no complication. This is my family value and I'm fine with it. No lie. But when my mom goes in the conversation saying, "You don't know how lucky you are to have a dad." or "I wish you lived near your grandma or near your aunt." 

How do you expect me to value family when I am told lies or even go against what you told me.

I used to think that I was fully Vietnamese, so when my old classmate in Catholic School ask me. “Are you Chinese?” I always respond confidently, “No,” Fast forward 5 years later, I was told the truth. ONE PART OF IT. Mom was Irish and Chinese. Then Fast forward 1 year later, I was told that my dad isn't fully Vietnamese either. He has had a tiny percentage of Chinese. Now, I no longer say confidently that I am Vietnamese. Instead, I simply say I'm part Chinese, Vietnamese and Irish.  I can't actually say I'm from Vietnamese. Can I?  *the pettiness*

Here's another incident,  I was told grandpa died while fighting for the Vietnam War. Nope, that was a lie... I think I should be joyful that he didn't die right? No... instead, I have a mother who's depressed about not given a chance of knowing her father and is still searching out for a man who vanished. (I do wish that she find a clue on who he was as a person, but all we got is a picture and a rendering DNA kit.) The whole reason for this lie was because of an event that occurred in the past which I have no knowledge of which made my grandpa and grandma split apart...


This is one of many occurrences of my family that I don't know and is on the smaller side of the scandalous meter. I obviously can not actually reveal all of it for personal feeling. All I could say is that in modern day society some would be cursed upon and have shades of side eye. That's something I can't change after all family is family. No matter the scandals that are in your family, by the end of the day you're related by blood.


This is a rant. I am aware. I'm sick and tired of this. Being blandly lied to.I shouldn't have to put on a detective hat and find out all the how what where why question. I'm simply 1*. I'm one person with one brain. I'm human. There are so many shocks I can take... : I

* Sorry about the cruddy grammar  I typed this out at 1 am than passed out after posting it. I'll go over the grammar when I'm fully energized*